Posted 7:17 PM by Bonnie

Another of those great emails from one of my crazy friends:

THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2005:

CRACK FOUND ON GOVERNOR'S DAUGHTER [Imagine that!]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [That'll stop 'em.]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [Not if I wipe thoroughly!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [What a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death [Those-good-for-nothing lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [You think?]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [Who would've thought!]

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [They may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges ! [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge [He probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [Weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead [Really??!!!]