Posted 11:14 PM by Bonnie

A Moral Issue: Let's suppose someone you know confides in you that they don't love the person to whom they are married and can barely tolerate life with this person, but due to circumstances is stuck with them. Suppose they tell you the real love of their life is someone with whom they not only cheated on their spouse with, but with whom they actually lived with for a year. And suppose the person to whom they are married is someone you have close ties to.

Suppose when you tell the person you are outraged they would confide this in you as it puts you in a very bad position, they become angry at you for not siding with them and sympathizing with them over their situation.

Now, do you tell the person to whom they are married that they are being used or do you let them go on believing all is well with their marriage? This is a case of shoot the messenger, because even though I have held my silence the person who confided in me has managed to convince the other person I have done some great wrong to them, so now I and the spouse do not see or speak to each other. I know what the person is doing. They are making sure I won't let slip what was said to me in confidence. What would you do? Would you remain silent because the person will still stay turned against you even if they know the truth, because they won't want to believe it, or would you give them a heads up.

Let me add the person who confided in me has also tried to get me to take them to local bars where they could pick up someone and keep it a secret. I never did this because I felt it was wrong, but as you can see, it is not an easy situation. And the worse part is these aren't young kids! These are mature people who should be far beyond this game playing. What would you do?

I am not mentioning names, locations, sex, or anything else as I want to keep this as impersonal as possible and not bring personalities into it. Look at it as a generic situation with generic people and decide what you would do.