Posted 6:50 PM by Bonnie

From We Have Brains. Do you and each member of your family - past and present - have their own space as well as a common space for all to come together? How do you define this space? Do you feel that this is a necessary space for you? Do you feel that females are more willing to compromise their space to nurture a space for others? And, if you could have your ideal room - space - that was all yours, how would it look?

This is interesting as it is a topic that comes up regularly in our little domain here. Right now only my husband has his own space. When I moved here he was already settled in this apartment for years, and has the second bedroom set up as his office. He has two desks and two computers of his own. He also has books shelves and filing cabinets. He even has a door he can close.

Sharing an apartment with 6 cats and one spouse leaves little room for privacy and yes, I do complain I have no space of my own. Right now the kitchen is my “private?” space. Crammed into a very small kitchen are a kitchen table, chairs, my computer, a small bookcase, my desk, and a rolling plastic three drawer filing bin. It must roll as it sits in front of a long cupboard and must move to allow us to open the cupboard. My work space is the kitchen table. On it I pay bills, sort and file my coupons, work on my scrapbooks, write my letters, wrap my packages… etc etc etc all with help of at least 3 cats.

If I am at the table working and someone wants to get to the refrigerator, sink, or cupboard I must get up and wait for them to finish before I can get back to my projects. I have no space to store my stuff so live out of bags…

My coupon binder is in a long canvas bag, my scrapbooking materials are in a plastic scrapbook bag, my TOPS materials are in a black brief case, my personal papers are in a portable plastic filing box… all my stuff is packed behind the space between the couch and the wall… a wall that is lined with a large metal shelf containing video tapes and another rack containing DVD’s.

My husband also has an office at school that he no longer has to share with a co-worker. Sometimes I feel caged in with no space to just store my stuff within easy reach. Yes, space is necessary to me. I am a person who loves to be with others, but also needs time to relax and no I am in a space that only I can occupy.

Yes, I do stay at home while he works, and the argument could be made I have the whole apartment to myself while he is at work. And that would be great if there was space for me and my projects, but when I look around and don’t see myself at all in the surroundings I feel as if I really don’t have any space at all.

To me the entire space is my husbands. He had it filled with stuff before I arrived and continues to fill it with more and more stuff. Yes, I did rearrange the furniture and clean up the area to make more space and to make it liveable, but it is not my space. The bedroom and living room would be our common space. The two rooms we share but again both are filled with his belongings. Shelves line all the walls filled with videos, books, and other collectibles of his. It's a good thing I am not a collector or we would be in real trouble space wise :-).

What would my ideal space be? It would be a room with a window looking out on scenery, a desk with lots of drawers for bills, letters, stamps, etc. I would want a nice computer desk and comfortable chair and of course my computer J. A row of filing cabinets on one wall and bookcases on the other. A closet for storage. Oh, and a space for my boombox so I could play tapes, CD’s or the radio as I worked. Also, a place to keep my violin and guitar and a door I could close so I could practice and play in piece. A nice wingback chair with a lamp and table beside it for reading. Sigh!!!

Is it easier for women to compromise on space to nurture others? NO! We want and need space just as much as anyone else. So, until the world is perfect and everyone can have whatever they want, I will live in my kitchen J.