Posted 7:50 AM by Bonnie

Recently We Have Brains posted a question on women and sacrificing their careers to raise children. Stating that women are expected to be selfless in love, devoted to their families and always postpone their own goals in favor of family members. The following questions were asked and I am going to try to reply from the point of view of a woman who does not have children. I want to preface my remarks by stating generally I find myself agreeing with the posts on this page.

What is it in our global culture that has the majority of women convinced that sacrifice and selflessness signify a morally sound woman?
First I have problems with the wording. Since when is raising children, one of the most precious gifts we can give the world, a sacrifice? I have always admired mothers as they have the hardest job in the world. Yes, it should be and today as more and more men are seeing they need to be more a part of their children's lives, it is more of a joint effort. There are even Mr. Mom households in todays society, where the mother works and the husband stays home to raise the children. The point is, someone has to raise the children. I see the results of some households where both parents put their careers before the children and then wonder why the children have no values, principles and no respect for them or people in general. Speaking from my own experiences only I have seen many families where there is cooperation between the parents in raising the children. It is not always the mother who takes off work to care for a sick child. It is divided between the two. Or the one who would lose the least in pay (and this is not always the woman these days) would stay home.

What do you think of the assumption that females, if mentally stable, are all willing to not only play the role of mother, but give up their own lives to do so, while men are never questioned about why they did not put their careers on hold around age 30 to start a family? I am sure exceptions to the rule exist, but what is important here is that these assumptions and expectations are the rule. ...
Again I have problems with the words PLAY the role of mother. We play when we are children, we play parts in theater productions, we play musical instruments and even have role play in therapy, but we do not PLAY the part of mother or father for that matter. This is for real and to state a woman sacrifices her life to play at being a mother belittles the role of motherhood. Are all mothers and fathers perfect? Of course not, but to put down all women who choose to raise their children in that one sentence just totally floored me.

What I am asking is a loaded question: What is wrong when in a society, instead of encouraging cooperative childrearing, competition is promoted among moms to see who can, in the spirit of Marianismo, sacrifice the most? How do we change this narrowminded thinking?

This is not such a loaded question, but a legitimate one. Does society encourage women to be the main parent? Probably. Can a man raise a child as well as a woman? I am sure they can given the chance. I have many friends with children and I have yet to see this who can sacrifice the most syndrome. I would have to agree women probably do contribute more to the childcare and raising than the man, but are we letting the men in or are we making them feel somewhat inadequate when they do try? After all this has been a woman's private club for years and years and we are only recenly opening it up to male members.

I will add more later, but wanted to post something in response as I felt while it had a good point it got lost in the wording.